To Build Community, Start Simple
Troll Lola was burned out, lonely, and lost. I needed new friends and activities, and I needed them fast!
I woke up one day in early 2022 and realized I had become a couch troll (not the cute kind). So, I started simply, at the beginning. Every day, the puppy and I paraded around the neighborhood and said hi to absolutely everyone. From there my confidence grew as I tried more things.
CURATED FROM AROUND THE WEB
On loneliness at midlife: The summer slump has arrived. Also: New sandals to help pull me out of it. By
in The Midlife Diaries.Midlife Identity Loss, Burnout, Anxiety, and Loneliness: I have an idea. By
in Revel and Verve.On the (sometimes painful) way friendship changes in mid-life: Watching two friends grow away from me has been painful, but mid-life is also showing me so much about what I need from, and can offer, my closest friends. By
in Clover Stroud: On The Way Life Feels.
I woke up one day in early 2022 and realized I had become a couch troll. No, not one of the cute Troll dolls from the 1990s. More like the kind that lives on the couch, never leaves the house and doesn't have many friends.
Troll Lola was burned out, lonely, and lost. Some of it was pandemic-induced. Some of it was the JOB. Some of it was a recent move to a new place.
Meetup.com was no help in finding interesting groups to join. Posting on NextDoor to arrange local puppy play dates was like yelling into the void. And, I hadn't been on Facebook in over a decade. What was a troll to do?
I realized that I had to do SOMETHING. I needed new friends and activities, and I needed them fast! This pandemic-era Forbes.com article states it plainly: "Our health and happiness are inextricably linked with our connections."
So, I started simply, at the beginning. Every day, the puppy and I paraded around the neighborhood and said hi to absolutely everyone. (There's no magnet like a cute puppy, y'all!)
From there my confidence grew as I tried more things. I made a point to show up to community meetings, frequented local parks, and said hello to as many people as I could. As a burned out former New Yorker, this was not easy. I just did what I had the ability to do on that day, in that moment.
Eventually I had enough gumption to do something I had never done before -- I hosted a big holiday open house! My new neighbors and friends showed up, as did my local coworkers and family. It felt so good to bring people together! That feeling of being surrounded by good people has carried me ever since. I also often remind myself of this truth: Sometimes all it takes is to simply start.
“All very pleasant interactions, and I came away with a feeling of satisfaction and wellness myself."— Mona Mona
Mona posted a note the other day along the same lines. She encouraged our readers to make eye contact, smile and greet at least 3 people that day as we were out and about. And she did it herself, too, reporting back that: "In general I can say I am not used to interacting with these many random people. It felt like a lot! I said hello and exchanged small talk with a gentleman who went around us on a sidewalk (I was walking my doggos). I nodded to a woman who was hanging out on her front “marquesina” (like a front porch) as I walked past. And the grand finale is that I complimented a woman who was wearing a beautiful caftan with this intricate pattern, cinched softly at the sides with a drawstring. She seemed overwhelmed and brightened up immediately when I complimented her, and proceeded to tell me where she got it. All very pleasant interactions, and I came away with a feeling of satisfaction and wellness myself."
If you are feeling isolated, disconnected from the world around you, or heaven forbid like a not-so-cute troll, please know that you’re not alone. Many women in midlife transitions are craving more: more connection, more meaning, more confidence that the world is still welcoming.
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Mona and I are thinking a lot about what it takes to build that confidence and those connections -- and doing experiments of our own. You'll likely see more from us as we continue to explore fostering community as a key foundation of building work that matters. We’d love to hear your stories about how you’ve connected with others online or IRL, and anything you’d recommend we try!
* This post contains an affiliate link to recommended reads on Bookshop.org; if you use this link to make a purchase, we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting Work Matters!
What's a (couch) troll to do, indeed! First, thank you so much for the shout out. Second, YES to all the emotions and experiences of trying to put ourselves out there to connect with other folks. I love the idea of hosting an open house and that's something that is on my fall to-do list, to bring people in rather than sitting on my couch waiting to be invited out. xo
Thank you for including my piece in your roundup! Midlife friendship making is HARD. Cheers to you for hosting that party, I'm so glad it was a success. I have had luck making friends by going to small exercise studio classes like Barre and pilates, striking up conversations, and then inviting people to get a coffee after class. Not the most original but thought I'd share in case it's helpful. 😊